lost

02.18.06 (10:41 pm)   [edit]
that's it i guess i feel so lost...totally unproductive in my workplace...i am thinking of resigning n go off for a good long vacation...but the prob is i cant go alone....i have some probz in going away by myself...first parents wont let me go wandering alone no matter how much i convince them :(...second...money...third...my own insecurities...i feel lost...or empty...i dunno wat is disturbing me...:(...mayb i am just sick n tired wif my life...bored to death... i am NOT working at all...not like i used to i guess...i hate this company!...before i hate myself too much for working in this place for this many years...wasting my life...n energy....i need to leave....n leave as fast as possible...i need peace of mind!...guess it's just one of my dark moments....thingie...i better start to work...then mayb i'll get the rhythm....but i need to start planning a getaway...asap :)

sigh..

02.18.06 (3:49 am)   [edit]
Went for an interview the other day..only to know that the batch has been filled up...some of us might be considered for another batch...well...i wondered...something i am familiar with...no matter what i do..there's always a stumble block...be it ppl....or watever i do...mayb it's already set up in my head as such or what i dont know...ppl are trying very hard to change me...lolzz...they say i am too out of focus that i need to change my appearance...then only i'll feel good...well i thought about things that i feel i need a change...n i guess i need a haircut...lolzz...:p...going facial...dressing up to look good for other ppl aint in my book of thoughts...i dress up when i feel like it..if not ...sorrylah..hehe..i know...i am a pain in the ass...even if i have to...mayb to make others happy....i guess...i wanted to write about something in here...i just can't remember what i wanted to write in here....was it about thaipusam...hmm...i guess so... mayb i'll add in more about my thaipusam experience this year laer...ate too much...am stufed up.....

well...

02.13.06 (3:40 am)   [edit]
it's just another day... am getting old...toay is my birthday :)...well i was thinking i wanted to write a lot of things in here...it so seems like i dun have much time these days...all i do is eat n sleep...after work...after a long journey to reach home...to n fro...work...well...i wanted to write bout my trip to genting highlands last december... it was simply awesome...i actually..went on my own crusade of walking around genting ..in the wee hours of the morning...all by myself...coz i couldnt sleep...at all...lolzz...it was fun..i went around wit my hooded jacked..black one...n wif a messed up hair...messy shirt n track bottm's...lolzz...the wind was just oh so...* oh la la *...he he he..it kept blowing of my hood revealing my messed up hair...but it was just ...well i have no words to say...i was just happy i guess :) n today...well it seemed like just another boring day...the best part...it was actually surprising from last nite itself i have been receiving lotsa b'day sms'es....so nice of them...despite their bc schedule...they actually remembered my b'day :)...n the nicest part was...i went to buy a drink downstairs..n when i came up to join my colleagues in the pantry...they had a mini cake...the surprise n the delight was just undescribable... i was soo happy...n cake was n has always been my fav food...i was bc munching it away...lolz....thgh stressed up n i hate my job...tiz was just...cool...n a fren of mine got a job elsewhere....n maybe i'll do just that..apply for that co as well...it has sumtin similar to wat i am doing now...but let's see...i have no heart to go anywhere or do anything....mayb i need a big vacation? i am certainly not doing any justice to my degree! n tmrw...at home...i'll have lotsa nice things to eat..hehehe and yeah...valentine's means...electric nite dinner....as usual :)

musings..

02.03.06 (5:31 pm)   [edit]
i've been wondering about many issues...went to the hospital...KLGH...as an outpatient the other day...as always the doc refused to listen (as in not trying to listen..but cut me short...lolz..mayb they have wat they call silent observation ;) ) to wat i was trying to say...well as usual government hospital's..they dont even touch the patients most of the time....i've heard..early detection can cure many cases...but mostly...wat patients get is the run around after long hours of waiting...why can't they hire more staffs? all they have is red tape's!...i wonder why they don't even have a systematic medical system whereby all the medical history's of a patient will be recorded...not only these ppl take away our medic report cards...after the diagnosis they wont refer to it the next time we go..n mainly because irresponsible patient's like me will lose the little card that they give all the time.....why waste time on repeating the same diagnosis or asking patient's the same question's over n over again...imagine..wif a click of the button the patient's history is there...lolz...saves time n lives...hmm...or the system has already been practised in this country wit out my knowledge...lolzz...i dun know...:p.....basically...early detection seems to happen if u have the money or the time to worry bout ur health :) @shrugs shoulders@ well it's kinda lucky to get a good caring doc these days..especially in gov hospitals...it's a pity to see these doc's wif endless row's of patients...but as patients...we're just helpless eh? that's why we need help...sadly help goes to those wif money...i've always wondered bout this....a person is dying...sum one can save them...but u have to have so n so amount of money...n the person can be saved....either the patient try their best to survive by collecting sum donations to assist in their operations.....or they just die...is that the value of life then?.....u can help...but u'll prefer to sit n watch coz u aint getting any benefit in helping....hmm...mayb to think about it....in one spectrum...but in another spectrum..there are a lot of ppl dying everyday...n ppl are thinking twice as it has a cost to help...parting wif hard earned money...is not an easy thing as well...or to accpet the cost...well u have to be financially stable n have a heart to help....money has become more of a burden these days...even if u have it or not...there is still trouble...sigh i got sent back home as usual...with their diagnosis...wif sum medicines which totally was irrelevent..i just kept quiet n went back home...izzit me...or sumtin is wrong wif professional's these days? hmm...be it lawyers...docs...engineers..teachers...n wat nots..sum are just lame annoying pests...hiding behind their profession...the image...from perverts to wat nots...mayb the image that they carry is too much they need to freak out now n then? that doesnt mean...they should'nt do their job properly...aii ya yai.. losing respect...n losing it fast these days....i know..i know..sumthing is wrong wif me...never stop complaining...getting old i guess :) And another issue...why do ppl cut n paste watever conversed online between two ppl into another window...this happens a lot online and the next thing u know...everybody knows... duh! breach of trust! sum even save the messages n god know's mayb their using it to support their lies or to threathen the other person when things go sour...but mayb...mayb to cherish the good times as well...especially if the other person is not around.... duh..i am rambling...lolzz :)