Mystic

an experience...

an experience...my off day today...was at home only...till sharmi gave me a call...she said...why dont u come wif me....a new restaurant...is in town...n i have the invatation...why dunt u follow me...so i said ..ok...then i went over...luckily i didnt go wif my goofy dressing style as the restaurant seems...more like...hmm..visited...by rich ppl?....i was like...is this the rite place...my dad dropped me there....whilst waiting there was this lady...she was walking around...n she spoke to me...she was nice....laila was her name....well didnt meet her after that....hmm...

soon after met sharmi...we went over..whilst queing...yes queing to eat...hmmm....there was this i dunno expat or european tourist...behind me...she was rather...i didnt know she was joking..or being down right rude....well...she was saying...since rajes brought her lil cousin..."o that lil kid doesnt need any food...she can eat when she grows up..i'm starving over here..."...i was like save it lady....n when it was my turn to fill my plate wif rice...i just took two spoonful of rice n she said...o thats enof for u...we're starving over here....i was like...either let her..go in front of me...or let her take the food...i was like..yeah...i'm not as starved as u..n went on....with that teeny weeny bit of rice...bleh!!!..i thgt malaysians ....go after free food....open house syndrome...this was worst...pathethic...i had no appetite to eat anyways...was never fond of eating outside...nothing can beat mum's cooking...:)...hehe...i had to mind my manners....since it was based on invitation....but was never comfortable wif the prensence of rich n happening ppl...sum are real snobs....but i guess...today was ok...well i couldnt be bothered....as i had my own company :)...i felt out of place anyways...but it was ok....since sharmi's parents...sharmi...rajes n her kutty cousin were there...:)

wat da...

wat da...yesterday nite....felt a slight dizziness which seemes very familiar as i had experienced an aftershock before....hmm...first i thought...it couldnt be.it was around 12.10 am...sumwhere at that time.....n the next thing...i realised mayb sumtin went wrong in sumatra.....hmm...well...it went off after a while....we went out of our houses...well since it was a high rise building...it was better to be downstairs.....waited....was very very tired....but after a while...nearly 1 plus in the morning went up again...was very hungry n sleepy...stuffed myself wif food...well came to know there might be another shock...but i was kinda tired...watched cnn n dozed off at 3.30 in the morning.....couldnt get up for work....felt extremely tired...

went to work anyways....hmm...got an announcement.in the afternoon...the building is not safe to be occupied.......so they were checking before confirming and...after a while all of us were asked to evacuate the building..via the emergency stairs...i was thinking....wther the termor will get us or not....ppl will just choke n die in the stairways.....

since it was not advisable to be in the building.....aii..waited outside....for so long...heard there were cracks on the top floor-dunno how true this story of the crack is...rumours spread faster as usual.......hmm...i dunno....it was a tiring day....n wasted my time waiting for nothing.but ne ways...there were ppl taking pix for free...hehe reporters as usual....:)....n the cameraman...just gives me a shock...now n then when he pops out from nowhere...zooming in n out on ppl's faces...lolzz.....came back home anyways.....one hour earlier then my 8pm log out...tmrw is my off day...i have sum plans .......hmm...da iron supplement wif a combination of sum other things in it..which i have to take.....seems to make me more tired...sleepy all da time...i dunno...or mayb...i am not sleeping properly...aiyoo....

n my new phone....duh...the mother board crashed...in just one week of purchase....talk about annoyance......hmm...my bro said...he's gonna bring it back today...from the shop...dunno.... if they're giving a replacement.....or they're changing sumthings.....am using my bro's phone for the time being....duh! wat a week....:)..i am extremely tired....mayb i should get sum good rest.....;)

throws up....

throws up....hand in the air...my colleagues were grumbling i was not sporting enof..i wont come here n there...for all i know watever they plan never materialize...n they blame...so i skipped lunch ..n my break...n at the end of the day...they said...the plan cancelled...now who's the one to be blamed....n whois the one who can't be trusted n all....bleh...!...sumtimes ppl can just say anything they want coz they have a mouth to say it all.....n i dont open my mouth to protest....just because i am smiling n being patient all da time...doesnt mean i wont blow up on sum one's face...when i am evil i am really evil... ..duh!!!...it just makes me laugh sumtimes...prolly i was in a good mood 2 day..n i had a lot of problems to solve.....lotsa problematic calls today...so i was just couldnt be bothered...

now there seems to be another plan...involving my school mates going on...i dunno wat they're planning...hmm..i dont want to put my hopes high..n for they might just dash it all off.......

hmm...

well..

well..i was supposed to go out wif kavi...my colleague...but the prob is i lost her contact num...duh n she doesnt have mine...since kavi is a new colleague...well...i coulndt ask n e one..lolzz...i was bored ...at home...so i didnt know wat to do...i pestered my dad to bring me out on friday nite...

well...as far as i can remember...have alwiz been a good pillion rider...lolzz...well...been pillion riding from the time i can remember...so it was kinda easy to go around the city wif a motorbike...so i wanted to go to bangsar....so..my dad just drove around...well lotsa eateries there....of course...at some point of the road...there were alcohol smells ....well...bangsar is famous for it's nite life....hmm...didnt feel like buying anything there...hmm..went over to brickfields...got sum chapati's there...n i wanted to go to bukit bintang.....well...dad just rode around for a while....passed by da beach club...as alwiz...noticed ppl jumping in there...n there were sum spooky dim lighted clubs...along the road....as alwiz filled wif ppl....so called nite life...:)

well used to work in a gas station around that area....n used to finish work quite late...i remember i used to pester my dad...to go around the bukit bintang area...just to see wats it all about....lolzz....so thats where i got to see this beach club...bistro's n wat not....a few other which i had noticed...each time i pass by that road especially on fri and sat nite....it seems so lively..or shall i say crowded?

well as alwiz...got sum comments and advices from dad...hmm..parents being parents..when we passed by sum of da places..well he didnt show me around much...that i realised......well for all i know...it wont take me long to lite up a cigarette n pour myself sum booze n walk around in skimpy dresses....pop up sum pills...n sleep around...it seems the norm nowadays.....the "in" thing....a part of being hip n happening...n of coz..it seems we have to enjoy to the max...coz youth appears only once........... .well....for the time being..........it's just not my style of enjoyment.....n i dont know if i'll ever do all that......

sumtimes i feel it all seems so fake.....just temporary enjoyment...thoughh ppl seems to be enjoying...sumtimes it seems there are a lot of ppl...just feeling empty...lonely...n dunno wat to do r where to go..or mayb...it's a place to attract ppl...seek attention...get noticed..be the "in" thing...hmm...i'm swerving...

of coz wif my state of health....all those smokes n alcohols...wont do any good for me either...n the dim lightings just spooks me out...hehe..but not all da places seems that spooky...sum places...seemed...like ppl were just trying to have sum time wif their frenz..sum wif family....especially at eateries..well...thats a diff segment all together...guess it's a place visited by more mature ppl...or those who dont prefer to jump aroundn have a relaxed time chit chatting wif frenz?...i don't know....for all i know...by the time...i reached home it was one hour n 15 minutes ride on the motorbike..n my backside ached...hehe...well pity my dad as well....pestered him to bring me around...

well that was a glimpse of nite life....:)

hmm thinking bout nite life...nite life is alwiz associated wif social ills n all...i wonder doesnt it happen during da day as well?..hmm...but nite life tends to be more spookier or sumtin..influential in sum ways..i dont know...but no matter how strong willed we are there are times when we're weak n confused...n that are the moments..hmm...being drawn to temptations at those weak moments...or over excitement n the need to try...to follow n be like the rest of the group..hmm...temptation...the ability to resist temptation....it needs a lot of strong will to say i don't want to...nope...to sumthing and be different from the lot....need lotsa courage....thats what i feel..to live live  as we want to live it...realising the consequences of our actions n the ability to accept watever that comes on our way due to our own actions.....hmm..as alwiz the choice is alwiz in our hands...the decision to do sumtin actually lays in our own hands...but if it's clouded wif temptation n the need to resist.the norm.....then...

sumtimes i dwell in regrets...waste my life...but i do know...it's a waste of time...but why do i do it...i'll be thinking i should  have done it the other way around...am i dwelling in self pity..i do not know...i am trying to reduce it...n try to change things...learn from my mistakes....it's tough..but i'm trying.....

but sumtimes i wonder...wat is rite...wat is wrong....why do we need to live life in a certain way...why can't live life as we wish...hmm...but then again...why do our parents...take the trouble to advice is on this n that...but i guess...experience...the experience...n the lessons learnt by our ancestors....it should reduce....our mistakes....i dont have a lifetime to commit mistakes...but i can learn from others n use the time...to learn more things...to live life...each one have their own principle's n ways...n i have a lot to learn.....i've just started to learn to swim....:)

i've met from...sluts..to studs...to saint...n angels...i guess...there is alwiz at least one percent of a good thing in sum one...it's just the perception..how we look at things...if we see bad..then we seed bad...if we see good then we see good....(sumtimes...well most of the times i am a sadistical pessimist...that it seems hard for me to view things in a brighter mode...lolzz).....a perception which in order...comes together in.. judging sum one..but i do admit..sumtimes i dont click wif sum one for no unexplainable reason at all...well...that's just too bad.....am at work today..thought i'll edit...this blog...duh..

feel like falling asleep...wish i had a dunlop pillow and a mattress over here...:)...workin on a sunday..bleh...feels so downright bleh...

*sigh*

sleepy....

well...

well...i had the best time of my life...i mean after soo long...this previous off day's were the best...hmm was in klcc on friday wif kavi..my colleague...went around the park...visited the sauber petronas gallery...there was this sauber petronas car on display on the main entrance...was dead tired....n then sharmi asked me out again on sat....well in klcc...it was da best...gosh we were talking me..sharmi n rajes...whilst standing...whilst shopping...whilst sitting....my god...i didnt realise the time fly off just like that...it was great...my cheeks hurt n my stomach ached...n i couldnt remember when i had laughed all day...to all our antics...lolzz...

gosh....was kinda sad when it was time to leave...as if there were soo many things more to be shared...though my legs were aching...as if the sore was gonna rip off ...but it was worth it...hehe...i enjoyed it very much n look forward to have off day's like this more often...hehe

o my gosh!!!

o my gosh!!! i blew it...i messed up at work...n the cust is going to nag me gain..tmrw...i dont think so the service can work...me...i'm such a jerk..i shouldnt have called the cust back...i shldnt have activated the acct...more so...a fussypot cust's acct...o my god...wat am i gonna do...o my gosh!!!.i took the ammi kallu n put it on my feet...n say vailikuthey...duh!!!!....n then another woman came blaring over the phone ...duh! just because the blady service is not working....sumtimes i wonder wat ppl think cust svc ppl are?...that we have the whole administration...tech dept...billing dept...n wat not rite in front of our eyes?..that we have everything on the tip of our hand? that everything can be done with a click of a button?..gimme me a break!...dont we have limitations n different dept's to do the required task...we need TIME....cust's need to pick the right dept........u know if we're kinda helpful...then the cust's will put the whole load of things in our head in the name of help...being too nice to them ain't good either..coz we'll end in hot soup coz no ine will want to help...as they'll say...this is not our job...they have the specific dept..why are u so busy body wanna get urself into this shit!.pathethic..pathethic....out of the window went my time today..trying to solve one rotten case n there were soo many calls in queue...duh..i felt hopeless..well the more time we spend on cust's that means....less productivity n more calls will be answered by others...duh...i'm kinda slow in this new dept..i hate it...no productivity...terrible knowledge...

well...i aint feeling well..hmm.....for the past two weeks....fatigue...n fatigue..n more fatigue.....duh! man....all this things just make me sick.....feel  like my heads gonna burst to bits n pieces.....n of coz..i'm losing my temper at home...erghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh h..i hate my life.....................life is so rotten...for the time being...rotten like hell.....stress...stress n more stress.....tomorrow...stress is awaiting.....at my door step...aww....man.....!losing my sanity...sanity was never with me in the forst place...ran away from me long time ago.....guess stress....depression....everything is waiting for me....tsk  tsk...*throws  her hand in the air* cant be helped!

n o...my neck..it's killing me........

hmm...

thought of browsing this website for a while...a break..:)

gees...

gees...am so confused...wif myself...feel like as if ..i've been subjected to be prisoned in a room wif four corners so close to me that i can't escape...i'm just going insane...the battle of me within myself...unable to understand myself....

not only that...i have this feeling..n mayb indications.....that my health is deteriorating....this feeling within...me...it's getting stronger day by day..that's sumthing wrong...but i'm ignoring it...mayb it's just paranoia..or mayb i'm going to fall ill...seriously...i do not know...mayb i am depressed...or am i having long term stress...i just dont know wat it is...but i just dont feel right....sumtin is wrong sumwhere...havent told any one bout it...not in detail....hmm...i'm just collapsing...emotionally.....physically...mentally....just fought wif dad..tonite...been having mood swings....pressures from work...all compressed within me...just blew off like that...am a useless moron sumtimes....i shouldn't have said...wat i've said to my dad....but sumtimes my parents just treat me like a kid...geess..it's one of the day's where...i'm more of a useless....brat...

okies fine if my parents treat me like a kid...so what....i am their kid...i just need to remind them that i'm a grown up now.....but ...everyone else....everyone around me does that....treat me like a kid...or as if..i am not even worth a penny...iut's damaging my self esteem...n it's making me feel useless as well.....hmm....n i just can't bare with it sumtimes....it just get on my nerves...it is sooo tiring to be nice all the time...to be quiet...n accept things as it comes... even if ppl are making u feel useless..belittled...i know it's stupid..just to take all that...but....sumtimes...i just don't feel like hurting other ppl's feelings...when..all this feelings get compressed i just blow up..n it hapeens at home...i blow up at my parents...my bro's n frenz on the net....

..at least i'm downright straight forward in the net....n i am trying to be like that in the real world...why should i suffer in silence...if i aint happy wif sumtin or sumone...i'm gonna just dart it straight in the face...like it or not...i'm just sick n tired of all this....izzit...wrong to be forgiving...izzit wrong...to try to unnerstan others...izzit wrong to ask to be appreaciated.....izzit wrong to give n take..izzit wrong to be patient.............wat the heck......sick n tired of being nice...sick n tired of being....careful not to hurt others...sick n tired...at putting a blind eye at things...sick n tired of accepting thrash from frens.....sick n tired of myself....sick n tired of trusting ppl.......i'm sick n tired of being taken for granted.....soo sick n tired...of being a doormat....sick n tired...of being treated like a useless thrash.....it's my fault..n i'm gonna repair..it..once n for all...

hopelessly...hopeless...tonite...i need a break.....

my world as it is.....

well been a while since i updated in here...:)...well for the past two weeks...for all i can remember...i've just been eating n sleeping n going to work....n the current dept..is just giving me headaches...n for the past three four days...have been having terrible neck aches...duh!!!...have been very very sluggish at work...practically no mood to work at all...no interest at all.....hmm...each call seems to be a prob...n lotsa of calls are coming in...either i solve the case..or let it be in pending mode ...but then again....how much can i accumulate...the more unfinished job i have...the more headaches n time constraints...duh!!!!.(am gonna die of high blood pressure on of these days :) )..n it's the case wif most of us in the office...time constraint...n they expect us to answer call's..when all the info's given to us are in bit's n pieces....sumtimes working in big companies....wif two or three affiliations n many more sub's....too much to mention....just...get's on da nerves....when things just don't go right....hmm.....why can't they blady well hire more ppl...or get sum ppl hired in the other dept...whr they supposed to answer most of the calls....duh!!!!....well..seems like...next week...there will be a change in the schedules...i think it'll be better...though i'll only be answering calls...well pending cases will be handled by seniors...:)...a relieve of sum sort...but i guess i'll lose the opportunity to learn for the time being...as each case...seems different wif different cust's to handle...hmm...i need a break.....before i get fired....:p...malathi needs to mend her ways....change her atti at home n at work...since she's becoming a living lazy pig...*shakes head*...*not good at all*

hmm...still havent taken my medical results...no time....just feel tired...n sleepy all the time...not good...n this neck ache..or more of a stiff neck kinda feeling.....is just making my life miserable....aii....n i guess most of it due to pathethic sleeping postures...inconsistent sleep....lousy sitting posture...in da office..i've got a bad posture all rite!.. n the worst part is when the air-con goes gaga guga....*as if it's saying..."hehe...too bad u can't control me wif one of ur remote control's"*...pathethic...as if...i was transported to the north pole.....bleh!...get a life malathi! n i hate da sound of telephone's ringing....they make me sick!...coz i hear 'em nearly 8 hours...every day...hmm..in da first level..i didnt have to depend on ppl that much to get things done or solved...but in the second level...most of the thing's aint in my control....got to depend on ppl...system...this n that...etcetera...etcetera...etcetera...

the good thing is..managed to solve sum difficult cases....hmm...lost my temper once....hmm..twice mayb?...or was it thrice...wat the heck....as long as i've got sumthings solved...actually...wanted to write a whole lot of things in here...but no time in office to even check da mails...even as i'm online for all day at work..poor time management?...yeah mayb...but i'll just leave my msn....on...i have this feeling there are ppl around me...n just in case if i lose my temper....or get too upset....i can talk to sum one...but most of the time...leaving it online....is just good enough....:)...silly me...most of the time...i dont even use da msn...  as much as i used too...gotto think back....wat did i wanna write in here actually....well sumtin to be happy about...it's my off day tmrw n sunday..:)...i'll get sum sleep...sleepy...i wanna R.I.P tonite :)